Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut …

By Dan Malovany

Imagine life without nuts. It would be so wrong. Cracker Jack without nuts would be just jack. A Reese’s peanut butter cup without peanut butter would be just a cup. Broiled mahi-mahi without a macadamia crust would be just a dead fish warmed over. A hot-fudge sundae without a crunchy topping might as well be called a Monday because it would disappoint us right from the start.
Imagine life without nuts. It would be so sad. The fact that it’s not the case makes me so glad. That’s because these mini-morsels of marvel are all about pure pleasure. Nuts are about going crazy, and I mean that in good measure.
Planters got it right with its Go Nuts! campaign. Life’s a party. Celebrate with nuts and act like one, too. It’s why the best football fans in the world are those who are totally nuts about their team. It’s why the crowd goes nuts when a basketball player hits that game-winning shot. Mighty Casey might have never struck out if the stadium hadn’t stopped serving beer and peanuts in the seventh inning. That’s the reason there’s no joy in Mudville.
Nuts are about being special. They’re synonymous with flying first class. They’re about being on top of the world in a place where you belong.
They’re perfect salted, dry roasted, honey-flavored and chocolate-coated. Shelled or unshelled. It doesn’t matter. They go with everything, and by that, I mean every food. Fisher Nuts, for example, knows it takes Salad Buddies to liven up a bowl of bland vegetables. In fact, I like to put nuts in and on all dishes: stuffing, pasta, waffles. Everything from goat cheese to Goldfish.
It’s a pity that medical conditions prevent some people from enjoying nuts. They’re good for you. Yes, indeed. Ever see a sick squirrel? That’s because they live on nuts.
Maybe humans should take heart. Everyone has seen the medical research. Walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, cashews and pecans, for example, contain fiber, antioxidants and other nutrients that might prevent cardiovascular and other diseases. In more ways than one, they all give us all a reason to live long and happy lives.
In the end, I have nuttin’ to say to those who despite nuts. It’s just that a nut-free environment seems like a boring place to work.
I’m nuts about nuts.
I am. I am.
I simply love nuts.
I’m their biggest fan.
Give me walnuts, almonds or pecans.
I’ll buy ‘em by the bag, bottle or can.