Ah, ha! Gotcha! You’re so busted. Go to the doghouse. I knew it was only a matter of time before some group came out with more proof that today’s low-carb dieters are either cheating like they did during the fat-free era or they don’t have a clue what a net carb is and how many they’re eating.

Port Washington, N.Y.-based NPD Group, which examined the actual food intake records of 11,000 people over the last three years, found that many people think they’re following a diet low in carbs, but they are actually chowing down twice as many carbs as the Atkins diet recommends.

Specifically, the average adult surveyed eats about 210 gm. a day, a shipload more than the 50 to 100 gm. a day that many low diets recommend. Moreover, the 5% of people with the lowest carb intake actually consumed 128 gm. of net carbs a day. Men eat about 145 gm. while women eat 109 gm. They may “say” they’re cutting the carbs, but they’re really stuffing their mouths with more carbs than they think.

But that doesn’t mean people aren’t buying low-carb products. Some bakers say they’re flying off the shelf. In many cases, they don’t even have to pay slotting fees. Last week, for example, I saw a woman at my local Jewel grab for a box of Atkins snack bars. She had loaded up her cart with steaks, beef roasts, two cartons of eggs, vegetables, diet orange soda and lower-carb bread. But she also had strawberry cream pie from the in-store bakery.

Yes, as several experts have ironically noted at bakery shows this spring, studies have shown that the surest way to gain weight is to go on a diet.

Speaking of shows, I must admit that I have been remiss in my duty to remind everyone to start planning for the International Baking Industry Exposition, which runs from Aug. 15-18 at the Las Vegas Convention Center. Last week, I booked my flight for a low $216. So if you are interested in saving money, get a move on. To register, visit www.snackandbakery.com and click on the IBIE logo.

Frankly, I don’t know why it took me so long to make arrangements. Maybe I’ve been compulsively obsessed with this great carb debate. Possibly it’s attention deficit disorder. I’ve been bouncing from so many projects that my wife threatened to steal a prescription of Ridilan from my bratty nephew, who’s nickname is Stinkpout, but I’ll let you figure out why we call him that. However, stealing is wrong and would severely torture my brother and sister-in-law for no apparent reason, but I digress.

Most likely, I must be distracted because, well, Paul Abenante, president and CEO of the American Bakers Association, told me so. Over the last decade, I can’t count the number of people who have repeatedly helped me “set the record straight,” which usually is a euphemism for “you stupid idiot…don’t you have a stinkin’ clue. You’re in the doghouse.”

Fortunately, in setting the record straight, Paul was much kinder. He suggested that “we” — I’m not taking all of the blame alone — “have been significantly distracted regarding the marketplace for all of the reasons we know and understand.” Those are code words for being obsessively compulsive over the low-carb debate.

“This exposition gets the industry refocused on investing in the long-term interest of their companies. It’s bringing back a focus to the plant, the companies and the capitalization — a reinvestment into the industry — because we have been distracted by this situation [D.C. lingo for low-carb debate] and this show will help the industry regain its focus on what’s made it strong in the first place,” he added.

So please help me out. Join the “Bail Dan’s butt out of the doghouse” campaign, and register for IBIE 2004. Visit www.snackandbakery.com or www.stagnito.com and register now for the best show of the year.

At the same time, I urge you to reward your plant managers, line workers and all of those people who you rely on for those great ideas that save you money in the long run, and send them to the show. I don’t mean to “set the record straight,” but nobody wants to hear about team-based management philosophies if folks aren’t going to put their money where their mouths are.

So please register for IBIE 2004 soon because this choke collar is really killing me now.
Visit me at Booth # 3039